


Loki's Lush

by atheandra



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: (but can be skipped it's marked), Domestic Avengers, F/M, Fluff and Humor, God of Chaos, God(dess) of Mischief, IKEA Furniture, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Lush instruction prompt, M/M, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Protective Steve Rogers, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 18:51:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17986697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atheandra/pseuds/atheandra
Summary: Loki is bored and found some amusing things on the internet that he wants to try his hand at writing for the Avengers.It doesn't go as plan - but he won't complain about the results.





	Loki's Lush

**Author's Note:**

> Okay from Archive of Our Own (AO3) writer - Prompt page on Facebook-   
> A bottle of Lush shower products with funny instruction (which are included in the story)   
> The headline:  
> That bottle sounds like it was written by Loki...  
> Anyone want to write it? - by Hannah Janine Schrader
> 
> So I gave it a try... Didn't end up being written by Loki more like inspired him to write his own set of instructions... 
> 
> **Trigger warning** is noted and can be skipped without taking anything from the story.

Loki was bored. It usually wouldn’t end well for the Midgardian's population, thankfully this time around he was feeling more prankful then chaotic, he was up for a little mischief. 

But what to do?

It took him a few hours of contemplation spent observing the Avengers, but he finally had an idea. Thankfully, JARVIS was up for some mischief too, or at least didn’t want him to turn to his other preferred form of dealing with boredom, either way, he helped. 

Once everyone had gone to bed or locked up in their labs, he went to work. It took some time to find something for every intended target and once he was done he took himself to bed too, after all even if he ended up oversleeping he knew JARVIS would record every person’s reaction. 

 

When Natasha woke up, she went through her morning routine, kickboxing, parkour, dismantling her guns to clean them, then finally a long bath and breakfast. After that her plans for the day were simple, she had gone out the previous day to buy herself a shelf to replace the one Clint had broken, it was from IKEA, so she had to build it herself, and she would even if it took her all day, the plan was to lock herself in her rooms until it was done, so none of the males could offer to help her, she wasn’t in the mood to glare at them. 

She collected her tools, opened the box, got everything out and organized, then grabbed the instructions, if one could call them that. Natasha was of the conviction that IKEA assembles instructions were written by ex-Red Room bomb instructors. They, too, liked to tell you how to do it and then step back and laugh once it all failed, or in their case exploded. 

She opened the booklet only to find blank pages inside, she was starting to fume when she reached the last page, finally finding written words and it read as is:  _ To assemble your shelf, go to your door, open it - step into the hall - turn to your left - walk to the stairs' door - go inside - take 2 flight of stairs down- open the door - step into the hall - turn to your left - walk ten steps - knock on the door in front of you - say these words “I have a shelf to built do you want to help me?”- wait for an answer - make your way back to your rooms (to do this, follow the instruction in reversed, start by taking ten steps back toward the stairs) - He is dying to be your hero. _

 

_ \--------------------- (Mention of suicide attempt (quickly) if triggering skip it ;) ) _

Steve woke up at dawn as always, and as always his first thought went to Bucky, lying in his own bed in the guestroom instead of next to him. They had been fighting again, he just couldn’t deal with the idea of Bucky getting hurt when they went out Avenging, and he knew it wasn’t helping him, but every time he tried to be Captain America instead of Stevie to him, he couldn’t help but see the Chair and the Cryo-chambers, he just didn’t know if he could survive losing Bucky again, not that he had tried much in 1945. 

He sighed, got out of his bed and went to wake Bucky up for their morning run, only to stop himself just before he could knock. On the door was a note:  _ Captain your mission today is to turn your phone off - leave it on your bed - your shield too - then get out of the tower - do not come back until the sun went down. Here is Stark’s credit card  _ (the card is taped to the note) -  _ go shop for a tighter shirt - get a new hairdo - go to a baseball game - keep busy - enjoy yourself - then come home sit back and smile while he yells at you for putting yourself in danger. _

Steve thought it was actually a brilliant idea, he would take what he needed to draw in the park and be gone for the day. He knew their teammates, and friends were getting tired of their constant bickering, he was hoping this plan would work. 

\---------------------------  _ (end of trigger warning) _

 

Bruce was putting the final touch to his experiment when JARVIS announced breakfast waiting for him in the common room, as was becoming a regular thing he had spent the night in the labs, it was a habit he wanted to get rid of, but he also felt he was so close to an answer he couldn’t let it go even for a few hours of sleep. Food was a requirement though when he was hungry Hulk kept rumbling and distracting him, so he shut everything off and went to get out of the lab, only to find the doorway blocked by a 9” green plush representing the Hulk, with his purple pants and everything. It actually made him smile, he would kill Tony for that one and hoped it wasn’t sold to children, he didn’t need to worry about possible children wanting to cuddle Hulk when they were in the middle of a battle. 

The plush had a purple bow and attached to it a note. Rolling his eyes in advance, Bruce took it and read:  _ Hulk Smash sleeplessness - take me to bed I’ll chase all your doubts and nightmare away.  _

Simple and to the point he guessed. Rather than complaining, Bruce immediately started to figure out how he could get this monstrosity to his rooms when he finally figured out his only solution was the Hulk room at the end of the hall he dragged it there and went to sleep on top of his own protective Hulk. Maybe other people needed him to feel safe while they slept too after all. 

 

Thor found a note too, he knew it was from his brother as he was used to his pranks, but this one looked pretty safe when compared to some others he had played over their long life span. 

Over the appliance, which he usually used to warm up his Pop Tarts through the day, Thor found a paper marked  _ Instructions _ Jane had often told him that he should read the instruction when dealing with something he didn’t know, so he opened it, only to find his brother's handwriting saying  _ If you don’t know how to cook a real breakfast for your beloved, take her out, there are plenty of Misgadian food places who cater to the manual labor impaired such as yourself. They will provide her with coffee as well.  _

Thor thought that no matter what his brother plans had been, this wasn’t such a bad idea, after all, Lady Darcy had told him he needed to try and romance his Jane a little more whenever they were in the same city. It would be a great opportunity to do so. 

He put the Pop Tarts back into the cupboard and asked JARVIS recommendation for a breakfast place, before going to wake up his lady, for their early date. 

 

Loki had thought about messing with the archer too, but they were not on friendly terms, and he didn’t want to deal with another arrow in his back this week, once was plenty enough, not that he was complaining to anyone, he probably deserved more from him. So instead of messing with him, Clint’s instruction were the direction, phone number and general coordinates to one Phil Coulson, let the man deal with not telling his Husband about his miraculous resurrection. The Agent had been unwise to leave Sif with such a secret the woman was a fierce warrior, but she had no mouth filter, she had told the Warrior Three before they had finished crossing the rainbow bridge. 

 

Loki was sitting at the dinner table, eating what Darcy had called Lasagna but it had no meat which Sam was complaining about. The day hadn’t been as fun as he thought it would be, his brother had followed his instruction and been out of his air all day which led to a wonderful, peaceful time. 

Bucky had been looking frantically all over the tower from top to bottom and all over again until Steve came back, then he started fussing over him, the man' predicament had been fun for a while, then annoying as Bucky began to whine about Steve’s absence and finally gave him a headache when he started to yell at his partner for scaring him, though he had to applaud the captain, he kept to the instructions and grinned like a loon through his dressing down. 

 

He had hoped Natasha would be driven crazy by the lack of proper instruction for her self-imposed task, but she apparently went to Sam as he told her to and the man had built the shelf in record time, they had spent the rest of the day calmly watching the TV and pointing out Bucky’s hypocrisy. 

He had thought he would gain blackmail on Bruce but Pepper had shut down the surveillance system in the Hulk room, saying Bruce needed his sleep and teasing was mean, she talked to him as his mother used to when he changed Thor’s plushy into a snake when they were little, so he had obeyed. 

Tony hadn’t even left the lab all day… 

All in all, although his night activities and researches had entertained him for a while the previous night, he found himself in the same predicament once more, he was bored. 

 

Later that night, there was a knock on his door, and a disheveled Tony was found on the other side, he had red paint on his cheek, grease in his hair, coffee on his wife-beater, and what Loki could figure out was oil under his nails. He was a mess. 

“JARVIS keeps telling me I need to read instructions.” Tony told him with a grin, “I found this in my shower,” he said holding up the bath product Loki had added to his bathroom the previous night, “and thought, I should listen to JARVIS more often.” He pushed past Loki walking into his rooms taking off his shirt as he went on. 

“And what are you doing?” Loki inquired. 

“Just told you following instruction. You coming?” Tony asked playing with the button of his jeans clearly wondering if he had gone too far. 

“After I am done helping you? Gladly.” Loki answered with a smirk, leering at Tony semi-naked form, ‘finally something to stave off his boredom’, he thought while gesturing for Tony to proceed to the bathroom. 

That Lush’s shower product he had stumble on while browsing the internet the previous day had definitely been a God sent, ‘well he sent it to himself, but the saying still applied’, he told himself when he read the instructions on the bottle once more:  _ How to use it: if you don’t know how, then we suggest you find someone you really like and invite them into the shower with you to demonstrate. _

**Author's Note:**

> As always I can't figure out more tags but I know I am missing some so please tell me what is missing in the comments thank you.   
> (I might, later on, add a shower scene to this)


End file.
